18 years....
Hmmmmm I've not blogged in a little while? I seem to keep sitting down to write, and then getting distracted. Very easy to get distracted though isn't it! There is always something better, something more fun, something less strenuous to be doing, right? Like sitting in front of the T.V making lists of excuses in your head as to why starting eating healthy will be better tomorrow, or why it’s too much effort to go exercise for 20mins. We all like to think we're being good to ourselves making promises to 'start tomorrow' .. but really there has to come a time when we actually do start. Yup, it’s the hardest part, but trust me once you start, you're not going to want to stop!! 2years ago, I was probably the expert in saying 'I’ll start tomorrow' (usually said while sat on the couch, eating crap) - I'm pretty sure I could have won a gold medal in 'excuses'.
I started putting on weight when I was 13, maybe 14, I'm not quite sure now... I was always 'big' - I was just never able to see that my being 'big' was getting 'bigger' over the years - and it took me almost 18 years, of denial to finally see that just saying I was going to start tomorrow wasn't very productive. Now 18 years seems like such a long long time, and it is, but I pretty much spent my teens and my entire 20's putting on weight and getting more and more unhealthy. Don't get me wrong, I always knew I should be doing something about my weight, I knew it was there, just not how much. First time I joined a Weight Watchers class I was 16. I remember 2 distinctive things from that class. 1) I was the youngest person there. 2) I was the biggest person there. At 16. You'd think that would have opened my eyes? Unfortunately, no. Think I lasted a few weeks in the class, before I decided I was happy as I was. Meaning it was too much effort watching what I was eating - a McDonald's was much easier, and tastier. I never exercised... would do anything to get out of P.E at school. So I ditched WW at 16 - I didn't need it. And that was the start of my Weight Watchers journey. Over the next 15 years, I'd say I joined and left WW again about 10 times, honestly. I'd start with these amazing intentions and after a few weeks give in. See I know now I was lying to myself. I wasn't following the programme - I was pretending to myself, and then blaming it for not working. I'd be saying in my head & to others 'oh I'm back on my diet - I'm really going to do it this time. Most likely I was sat somewhere eating junk while saying that. Truth is, it was just me not working. But I did keep going back. Why? Simple, in the back of my head I knew my weight was out of control... but really everytime I joined a class or made a little effort to do some exercise, it was just like I was making a gesture to myself... here you go Av, join this class today and you can reward yourself with a take away every night. Seriously. That's how my brain worked. I'd tell everyone every single time I started a new diet... look, watch me, this time 6months you won’t know me. And they didn't, because in 6months all I'd done was increase my weight. Again. I'm pretty sure everyone quickly learnt I wasn't going to follow it through.. not that anyone ever gave up encouraging, even though I am sure it was hard when there was never anything to encourage!!
So what made it different the last time I joined? Like every other time before, I made a solemn promise to myself. 'I am going to do it'. Funny thing is though, I'd said those words so much before, they'd kinda lost all meaning. It was just something I said to myself, and those close to me. I'll tell you something though, there is no better shock for making those words come alive than standing on a weighing scales and seeing a number so high you wonder if the WW leader knows her scales are broken. I swore there and then that I would never ever see that number again. So that's what jolted me into action.....
You'd think so. But nope. I consoled my 'shock' with a take away. 'Right, I'm going to star this tomorrow' and I did, half arsely... so back a week later I went, and I had lost half a pound. A start. Only for some reason, as I always did, I seen fit to reward myself for this little achievement. So much so that I went back to WW and stood on the scales to find I’d put on 3 & a half pound. Hmmm so now I was 3lb heavier than when I had started... in only 2 weeks. Time to get serious now yeah?? Um wrong again, the following week I was up another 3lb. Honestly. 3 weeks into WW and I was up 6lb. Almost half a stone. The high number on the scales that I swore I would never see again had just gotten higher. So I sat down at made myself thing about what I was doing. This wasn’t a game, it was my health, it was out of control, and I was putting myself in serious danger. When I'd swore I'd never see that 'number' again on a scales, I'd meant to say that was because I was going to go lower that it, not flipping higher!! I seen there and there I was going to have to see that number again, I had to get lower than it. And that’s what finally jolted me. A number. Seriously, forgot nice clothes, being able to move , those thoughts were a million miles away. All I wanted was to see that first number on the scales again, so I could say 'fuck you, I’m outta here! And I started again, having never actually left WW, 3 weeks later and took it one week, one number at a time. It took me 2 weeks to get back to that 'original' number, and then it was 'game on'! Slowly , pound by pound, I started believing in myself. I didn’t really tell anyone what I was doing this time, usually I made a song & dance about it, but I told only a small handful of people, and as the pounds started coming off, people started to notice, and then came the encouragement like a waterfall rushing down on me. Encouragement turned into motivation, which turned into weightloss focus. A circle. An amazing circle to be in, let me tell you!!! And here I am, still in that circle, The circle has grown, the encouragement and motivation unbelievable!! The 'number'? well I passed the original number a long time ago... in terms of 'stones' I have bypassed it 10 times, :) I'm still going though, my journeys not over, I'm on the home stretch, goal is in sight, it’s just still not within reach... I can see it though, that’s the main thing, it’s getting clearer to see and pound by pound, closer.
I've learnt a lot losing this 10stone. A lot about myself & about life. I get asked for advice all the time, and I can only hope what I am giving out is correct / good!! I'm not a professional expert, just a girl who's gone through it herself. You want motivation ? I can give it to you - I can give you a hundred little quotes and pictures, or I can give you my honest story via the blog. It’s hard for me to write this, it’s funny, I don’t worry about strangers reading it, I worry about people who've know me the longest reading it - it’s like being a teenager and leaving your diary open! It’s hard to be so honest about my weight issues, it’s a time of my life I’d rather forget, more to the point, I cringe at. But I can’t simply forget 18years of my life!! I find it so easy to talk about the last 2 years, the journey through losing weight and getting fit.... it’s all happy and good and positive, but talking about how I got there? That’s hard. And sad in some ways. So when people ask how I've done it, the answer doesn’t come easy. I honestly have to think about it everything. Right now my the best piece of advice I can offer anyone who is stuck in a rut with weight or being unfit, is ''its going to be a lot less overwhelming to think about it in small steps&stages'
Ok you need/want to lose 2stone? That’s 28lb? Daunting!! Break it up into 2lb goals.... much easier to cross off 2lb than 28... and much more likely you'll actually get to that 28lb!!
Likewise with getting fit... you want to run a 10k? Simple, take it a K at a time. When you can run 1K, aim for another one. No matter how long it takes!!
One of my good excuses for not trying to lose weight was it was going to take too long!! What a silly excuse!! The last 18months have flown by!!!
If somewhere is worth going, a shortcut isn’t going to make it any better. Do it slow, do it right, you'll get there. Soon you'll be thinking about how far you have come.... not how far you have to go :)
And that’s my blogging done for today, it’s been a hard one to do personally, but I wanted to ... its helping me get through to that goal, opening up about how it all started. Having said that, this one was just the tip of the iceberg on where I’ve 'been' the last 18years... plenty more to come!!
I'll be back soon with a good old blog on fitness!!
You can follow my progress on my weight loss page on FB if you like.... and for motivation and any help you think I can give - just ask!! :) I've also got some before and after pics up there!
http://www.facebook.com/#!/weightloss.avril (email address avriljmoore80@gmail.com)
Thanks as always for all the encouragement - you really are helping me do this...
Blog ya soon!
Av
xxxxx
